Shooting Star
What once was coincidence feels like a constellation. Threads of light weaving together through late night talks, midnight In-N-Out runs, unplanned hangouts, and moments that make me stop and recognize the life I'm living.
So many different lives meet at the same stop light. Not a single one was heading in the same direction. But we were all there. At the same damn time. We came from everywhere. Different childhoods, different lifestyles, interests, different stories. Yet somehow, we found the same room to stand in together.
Quiet timing. A glance, a soft touch on the back. A laugh that makes you laugh indefinitely. The scent of someone’s perfume lingering.
Life continues to let us meet again and again in different forms. Old friends don’t recognize who I’ve become, and new friends don’t know who I used to be. For a long time, I thought this meant being unseen. That the only person who sees the full picture, is me.
Through them, I learned that being fully seen doesn’t mean being fully known. It means being met where you are.
When you let the world see you as you are, it reaches back with open hands. It reaches back, offering a hand to walk with you the rest of the way.
When I see myself in that room now, I see radiance. I feel like sunlight. Beams that can't stop smiling and laughing as I recognize familiar faces and warmth that meets me halfway. For the first time, I don’t feel like I’m arriving late to my own life. No more standing on the sidelines. I'm playing on the field in this game.
I never imagined such a room full of people could give meaning and roots to a growing tree. Unprompted care from learning farmers.
They remind me of those classes in high school. The classes where you had your own little group. Personal inside jokes, sharing everything but time outside of those walls. Only this time, we didn’t leave it behind when the bell rang. We walked out the exit together.
My entire life, I've felt like the background character in a group setting. The one behind the camera, pity invited, or a second option. It's grieving knowing I wasn't ever the one people looked for in a room. I was a present shadow that had to stay in the sun. Now, I can exist without expectation.
Friendship has always been complicated for me. I always felt like I was fighting to hold on to the people in my life. Trying to prove that I was worth keeping around. It is lonely; being surrounded by people but still feeling like you're reaching across a gap. I quietly drove down an uneven road all the way up until I graduated from high school. Maybe this is why I'm so good at doing things alone.
It used to feel equivalent to exhaustion. I was constantly giving so much of myself just to be handed a blank card in return. I'm slowly learning that with the right people, it can be reciprocated. It's rare, but it's there. Connection exists.
We're in such a toxic period where no one can commit and everyone is constantly going behind each other's backs. I hate it and I hate being in the middle of it. My secret, especially for groups of friends: stop being friends with the group and start being friends with each other. Build personal relationships with everyone. If someone is bothering you, tell them what's bothering you. Communicate. If you don't and you hold it in, eventually you snap and it makes things messy and awkward for everyone. If they get mad that you communicate your feelings with them, then that tells you right there how they feel about you. People who value a friendship will fight to keep the friendship.
In the midst of all this, I’ve learned that sometimes the smallest gestures mean the most.
Two things carry more weight than anyone could ever understand. "Are you coming tonight?" and an invitation. The idea that people actually want me to be somewhere. To me, this is everything.
The simplest choices. Saying yes, staying those five extra minutes, having a conversation, can open entirely new opportunities.
We could've missed each other completely. But we didn't. That is what I call a shooting star.
