After Impact

On November 6th, 2025 my friends and I decided to go roller skating. Not long into it, I was in an accident and fell directly onto back and head, unable to even slightly catch myself with my arms. I was knocked out for a quick second, and when I regained consciousness, my lower back was in excruciating pain. The wind had been so knocked out of me, that I couldn't even speak.

After laying on the floor of the rink for a while, they took my skates off, and I carefully walked off. In tears, I laid down on a bench with ice on my back for nearly an hour. The next three weeks were miserable. I couldn't handle standing for too long, walking too long, or even sitting too long. All I knew was that my back was in pain. I had no obvious concussion symptoms despite hitting my head so hard.

By late December, I started noticing persistent headaches. Something completely out of the norm for me. I knew something wasn't right, but I was told to wait it out.

Come January, the headaches were daily, nausea had set it, and nothing about my personality felt like myself. On January 21st, we finally went to get my head checked. I was told I had Post Concussion Syndrome. I hadn't ever even heard of that, nor did I think it was a big deal.

For those wondering what Post Concussion Syndrome is, let me give you a run down.

Post-concussion syndrome is when symptoms from a concussion don’t fade the way they’re supposed to. Headaches, dizziness, along with psychological and cognitive issues can linger for weeks or even months, affecting the body, mind, and emotions. Fatigue, memory problems, anxiety, and sensitivity to light or noise often become part of daily life.

So essentially, I had a concussion I didn't know about, and it never healed properly.

The jackpot: my symptoms and their effects.

Physical: Headaches, dizziness, light and noise sensitivity, fatigue, and nausea.

Cognitive: Difficulty concentrating, memory issues, confusion, and brain fog.

Psychological: Irritability, anxiety, depression, mood swings, and a sense of apathy.

Physical

PCS has turned my body into something unpredictable. The symptoms aren’t just occasional. They’re persistent and drain me day after day. Simple movements, lights, and sounds that I used to take for granted now feel overwhelming. Basic functioning and physical activity is draining.

Persistent Headaches & Migraines: Headaches are almost constant. Sometimes it’s a dull, pressing ache, and other times it hits like a migraine that makes even moving my head unbearable. My head can become sensitive to the touch, even on a pillow.

Extreme Fatigue: Sleep doesn’t fix it. I can feel completely drained after just a few hours of normal activity. Tasks that used to be easy like walking, standing, even thinking clearly, can feel exhausting.

Sensory Overload, Vision Changes, and Nausea: Bright lights, loud noises, crowded spaces. They hit me all at once, and it can be unbearable. My vision sometimes blurs or won’t focus on what I need to see, making screens and even simple tasks difficult. A single spin, sudden movement, or smell can be enough to make me feel sick.

Psychological

PCS has been just as exhausting mentally and emotionally as it is physically. It doesn’t just make me feel off, it changes how I react, how I relate to others, and even how I see myself.

Mood Swings & Emotional Instability: My mood can shift suddenly and unpredictably. One moment I feel fine, the next I’m frustrated, anxious, or on the verge of tears. These swings make it incredibly hard to interact with friends and family the way I used to.

Personality Shifts & Impulsivity: Sometimes I notice I’m more irritable or impulsive than I’d expect from myself. Small annoyances feel magnified, and I can feel “on edge” without knowing why, which has strained relationships in ways I never anticipated.

Cognitive-Emotional Feedback Loop: When I struggle to focus or remember things, it feeds frustration and anxiety. That, in turn, makes it harder to think clearly, creating a cycle I can’t easily break.

Loss of Interest & Social Withdrawal: Fatigue and constant mental strain have sapped motivation. Things I once enjoyed, such as seeing friends, going out, or even hobbies, can suddenly feel impossible. I often find myself pulling back just to preserve energy.

Overstimulation: Daily life can be overwhelming. Loud or chaotic environments, bright lights, or too many simultaneous demands can leave me exhausted and anxious, even after a short exposure.

Cognitive

Thinking clearly has become one of the hardest parts of daily life.

Brain Fog and Slow Processing: My thoughts feel sluggish, as if my brain is stuck in low gear. Following conversations, thinking clearly, or processing information takes much more effort than it used to.

Memory and Concentration Issues: I forget things I normally wouldn’t, like appointments or where I put everyday items. Focusing on one task for more than a few minutes can feel impossible, and multitasking is overwhelming.

Executive Function Challenges: Planning, organizing, and prioritizing feel like monumental tasks. Even routine activities require more effort, and I often have to slow everything down just to keep from feeling completely overwhelmed.

Word-Finding Difficulties: Sometimes I know what I want to say, but the words just won’t come. This makes conversations frustrating and exhausting, especially when I’m trying to keep up with friends or coworkers.

Mental Fatigue: Even short periods of focus can drain me completely. Tasks that were once easy can leave me mentally exhausted, requiring breaks I never needed before.

Impact on Daily Life and Decision-Making: Symptoms fluctuate day to day, making it hard to plan anything reliably. Impulsivity can creep in, and emotional shifts often make decisions feel even harder.

My judgment isn’t what it used to be, and I notice impulsivity creeping in more than I ever expected. Small choices that were once automatic now take extra effort, and complex decisions can feel nearly impossible.

Reduced Executive Function: Planning, reasoning, and making sound choices take a lot more effort. I often have to slow down and double-check myself.

Increased Impulsivity: I sometimes act on impulse, even when I know I should pause and think things through.

Cognitive Fatigue and Brain Fog: Mental sluggishness makes it hard to process information efficiently, which only adds to the stress of decision-making.

Impaired Insight: It’s easy to overlook mistakes or misjudge situations, because I don’t always notice how foggy my thinking has become.

Emotional Interference: Mood swings, anxiety, or frustration can cloud judgment and lead to hasty choices I wouldn’t normally make.

It has all slapped me in the face.

I feel unrecognizable to myself. People don't understand how scary that is. You know you aren't acting like you, but you don't know how to get yourself back.

Every part of my mind feels altered. It’s like an invisible bruise that no one seems to notice. All I can say is, "I don’t feel like myself," but I don’t even know what that means anymore.

It's slowly affected every aspect of my life. My relationship, friendships, work, personal life, hobbies, almost everything. I can't process or respond the way I used to, which has caused altercations with friends.

The unpredictability is exhausting. It’s like walking on thin ice. I never know when my mind and body will cooperate or betray me.

The worst outcome of it all is that I loved someone, and I never even got the chance to tell them. It's painful that it takes the finalized result to learn what you should've been doing differently. In the meantime, you just hope they see you the way you see yourself, that they felt as deeply as you did, and that they remember why it all began. Most importantly, you pray that, when the time is right, they want to continue life with you. Because you don’t want to do it with anyone else.

Everything I loved, everything I counted on, feels fractured.

This is after impact.